My mother tells me that I cut people out of my life too quickly. When I say tell, I mean my mother reprimands me on just how repugnant it is for my life to dismiss people. What my mother does not understand is that some individuals in our life have expiration dates. In her Bajan jargon my mother firmly says to me, “You can’t just expect to cut people off just so. You better put a stop to it.” For those who are not the child of a West Indian parent… Welcome. The thing about Caribbean children is that we are inherently brought up on respecting our elders. No questions asked. So in the exact moment when I decided to challenge my mother’s advice, was a frantic cry for healing to take place. I provokingly said to her, “ And you cut people off too slowly.” Yikes. It was in that moment I suddenly realized that I had either lost my mind, or was about to lose my life. But like I said, healing needed to begin.
I strongly believe we as human beings are naturally hopeful. We hope the truth is not as ugly as we imagined. We hope others’ see the good in us despite our past repeated blunders. We hope our relationships hit the “One year mark” so we can finally unfold our guards and feel loved. We hope childish arguments which lead to irreversible remarks do not cause fatal termol in friendships. We hope love finds us and that we do not lose ourselves in exchange. We hope each time we present ourselves to someone familiar, it does not end in the same horrific way. We hope the one we love chooses us and not another, because love conquers all right? We hope mistakes get learned so our next fall does not sting nearly as bad. And we hope time heals fast, so life as we know it can resume.
H O P E F U L
My mother is factual. I do cut people out of my life fairly quickly. In agreeance with her, it is not always the healthiest option. But it is always necessary. My theory is elementary to comprehend. I refuse to continue watering dead flowers. I refuse to continue watering dead relationships, friendships, and, memories that have bereaved me from my peace, joy, and purpose. I refuse to become thirsty yet again for a possible reincarnation of the very relationship that caused my thirst. That is insanity. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If I were to confess to you the number of times I returned to water dead flowers, you too would shake your head in disbelief. In my life, I have jeopardized my character and muted my self-worth, to salvage pieces of frayed relationships. I have exhausted my “What if’s” and suppressed my confidence for the sake of holding onto… well anything. I have exhausted impure relationships that have cost me my peace. I have allowed men to exploit my love for them and manipulate my worth. It worked too. I have allowed friends to plant seeds of jealousy then stick around to watch their garden flourish.
Here’s a tip: What you don’t water, won’t grow.
Watering dead flowers won’t make them grow. So let it hurt then let it go. When someone hurts you, note the difference between intentional and accidental. What previous relationships and friendships have taught me is this: A negative behavior done more than once is no longer accidental or a mistake. It is a choice. A conscious choice. A conscious choice which now embodies selfish, bold, and disrespectful intentions that are basically pursuing a consequence. Know the difference and be authentic with yourself. I had to be authentic with Brittany Nicole. The old me was desperate. She was desperate to be desired, loved, and accepted. She walked with insecurities and settled for pending answers. She watered her dead flowers, and got frustrated with God when he did not reincarnate them to bloom. Let’s just say I stopped watering her too.
“do not look for healing
at the feet of those
who broke you”
― Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey
The new Brittany walks with confidence, and smiles with self-love. She waters her flowers daily, and disposes of the dead ones. She stopped allowing relationships to abuse the good in her. She stopped allowing people to take her love for granted. She stopped enabling toxic friends and family from knowing her business. In return, they could no longer wish bad on her. She has abandoned the very hopes that compromised her worth. She now goes where she is celebrated and not tolerated. I too, water her daily.