There are numerous things I thought I would be doing at the age of twenty-seven. Some include things such as getting back into school, investing money, continuing therapy, and expanding MindMyMelanin. Not once did it dawn on me that my twenty-seventh year of life would be submerged in a constant state of grief and rage. It should have never been a possibility to begin with. And yet here I am. Balancing this constant state of grief and rage I was handed. I am grieving the loss of black people being killed, and enraged at those doing the killing. Grieving the loss of young black boys and girls being placed in a war we never asked for, and enraged at the racists fueling it. Grieving my unarmed brothers and sisters being gunned down for being B L A C K , and enraged at the W H I T E privileged police officers and civilians playing God. 

And before we proceed, I would like to dead a few things from the jump:

The commentary “Not all white people are racists” is irrelevant. The bullshit commentary of “Not all cops are bad” is flawed. And the entire “I have black friends and family” spiel doesn’t attest to shit anymore. 

Here’s why:

There could be one million good white people, and all it takes is ONE racist white person to compromise the rest. And by the looks of social media and footage, I don’t stand corrected. Similarly to the way black men are pigeonholed as “thugs” and black women as “ghetto welfare queens.” Because no matter how many of us are not that way, your presumptuous stereotype has been conditioned into your everyday existence to believe otherwise. Both consciously and subconsciously. And to the ones who are not racist, but find no incentive to speak up; your silence is helping us get killed. Because your silence is saying that you stand with the oppressor. No I am not sorry. We need public outrage, not behind closed doors outrage. We need white outrage, not politically correct white outrage. And sometimes we need accomplices not allies.

To the selectively patriotic people who love screaming “Not all cops are bad”, please tell us where the good ones are when black bodies start dropping and gasping their last breaths as a result of police brutality.

Oh yes they must be on vacation, since flights are so cheap these days. My apologies.

 And to my “I have black friends and family” people, why does that validate anything? You see I myself have white friends and family, and not all of them are nearly as outraged as me. To be truthful, some of them are actually so quiet I’m apprehensive to accost and discover their true morals. When a white person justifies not being racist by acknowledging their black family and friends, all they are saying is…well nothing at all. Because you can have family and friends of outside races, and still be a racist. Some of y’all need to retract and read that part again.

I saw a post on Instagram where someone said that black people are sick and tired of being sick and tired. And I couldn’t agree more. When we as a black people exercise our rights to peaceful protest, we are told we’re being disrespectful. When we kneel at the sidelines we are told to leave this country. And when we seek authoritative support, justice is never served in our favor. 

So where do we go from here? Breonna Taylor was gunned down in her own home by police claiming they raided the incorrect house. Ahmaud Arbery was gunned down in his own neighborhood, by a privileged white bigot and his shadow of a son. And four days ago George Floyd was killed on camera by four Minneapolis police officers kneeling into his neck, as bystanders watched helplessly. All for a potentially fraudulent check which wasn’t by the way. 

See there’s that constant state of grief and rage again. When I died I didn’t tell my body. I just died. Because each time a black man, woman, or child is killed a big piece of me dies with them. For this is trauma in black communities. This is PTSD, transgenerational trauma, and a handful of anxiety in black communities. This has reluctantly become a norm in black communities. Black people are being targeted, and racist white people are doing the hunting. Black parents are terrified to raise black sons and daughters because the likelihood of them living to see 25 is slim. And for those who favorably refer to the black on black crime crises allow me to break down the difference one time and one time only:

If Markell kills Deshawn, two lives are lost that day. Deshawn’s life is lost to death, and Markell’s life to jail without parole. The infamous two birds and one stone scenario lives. However when Greg over here kills Chantel, only one life is lost. And it isn’t Greg’s. So once again, where do we go from here? Until social disparities and injustices start being addressed, corrected and accountability is held we will not stop fighting. We will not stop rioting. And we will not stop grieving. Until the Karen’s of the world stop using their privilege, acting skills, and “on demand tears” as weapons of abuse, we will not stop fighting. Until corrupted cops start being fired, charged, and held accountable we will not stop seeking justice. In the words of the glorious Dr. Martin Luther King Jr “A riot is the language of the unheard.” And in the words of the powerful Malcom X “If violence is wrong in America, violence is wrong abroad. If it is wrong to be violent defending black women and black children and black babies and black men, then it is wrong for America to draft us, and make us violent abroad in defense of her. And if it is right for America to draft us, and teach us how to be violent in defense of her, then it is right for you and me to do whatever is necessary to defend our own people right here in this country.”

This is why we say Black Lives Matter. So now where do we go from here?

    Ahmaud Arbery                                 Breonna Taylor                                        George  Floyd 



Posted by:MindMyMelanin

Black Mental Health Matters

One thought on “Constant State Of Grief & Rage

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